It is estimated that we spend less than five percent of our time making choices and them more than 95 percent of our time reaping the rewards or suffering the consequences. Making wise and effective decisions is vital to maintaining self-respect, yet we so often find ourselves regretting poor choices. To choose effectively, we must accept two basic principles:
1. Each of us has the power to decide what we say and do. Strong emotions may lead us to act and react impulsively as if we had no choice, but we do. Sometimes situations are dictated by outside controls; though we may not have the power to do everything we want to do, we certainly have the power to choose what we do with what we have.
2. We are responsible for the outcome of our choices. We all know people who lay the blame on others. Chronically late-for-work Susie lost her job because her boss doesn’t like her personally. Bully Bob got kicked out of school because of a tattletale. Even when we do not like the choices available to us, even when we are in the throes of extreme emotion, the power to choose and the responsibility for the consequences still exist.
The Josephson Institute of Ethics offers this seven-step process for making better decisions:
1. Stop and think. This often requires enormous self-restraint. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes an experiment, which illustrates the value of self-discipline. After a group of four-year-olds was given a marshmallow, the experimenter told the children they could eat it once he left the room, but if they waited until he returned to the room, he would give them another marshmallow. For fourteen years this group of children was tracked by psychologists, who found that the ones who chose to resist temptation were more confident, motivated, better able to cope with frustrations, and achieved greater academic success. Just as we tell our children to look both ways before crossing the street, we must look both ways before making important choices.
2. Clarify your goals. What is your short- and long-term intent? Decisions made under the strain of anger are often intended to hurt someone. But the short-term triumph of revenge may be hollow compared to the longer ranging effects. Decisions that fulfill immediate wants and needs can prevent the achievement of more important goals.
3. Determine the facts. Get the information you need to make an intelligent choice, being mindful that hearsay and assumptions are not the same as facts. Seek information from those whose judgment and character you
respect.
4. Develop options. People often feel they have no choice in a matter, but that is an illusion. Maybe what you must do or say is clear, but how you go about doing or saying it is not. Make a list of every option available to you.
5. Consider the consequences of each option. Filter your choices through your personal ethical guidelines. Does it involve lying, breaking a promise or breaking the law, disrespect, irresponsibility, unkindness, or unfairness? Eliminate the options that violate your ethics.
6. Choose. If the best choice is not immediately clear, seek advice from people you respect. Think about the wisest person you know and what he or she would do in the same situation. Ask yourself if you would be comfortable if everyone knew about your decision.
7. Monitor and modify. In spite of good intentions, we will make bad decisions. Some of the greatest lessons in life are learned this way; the greatest tragedy is in not learning to recognize or learn from bad choices, in making the same choices over and over and expecting different results.
American author George Eliot said, “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.” Learning to assume the power of making our own choices and the responsibility for the consequences is a quantum leap toward personal growth. The quality of our lives is a direct result of the quality of our choices.
