Minimizing Holiday Stress

When we think of the holidays we think of glittering snow, bright decorations, smiling faces and joyful gatherings. And yet, for many people, the holiday seasons can be the most stressful and difficult time of the year. This dichotomy calls for an examination of key trigger points that lead to distress as well as a few practical tips for minimizing them.

• Unrealistic expectations. In an ideal world, the house is decorated to perfection, plates with 20 varieties of cookies and fudge dot the interior scenery, the whole family is together laughing and hugging, and everyone gets the perfect present. Fade to the real world. A tree, a few candles, and a platter of iced sugar cookies are really enough. Family members straggle in and out; some are not even able to visit. Dad gets his umpteenth Christmas tie.

Forget about perfection. Maintain your sense of humor about the imperfections and enjoy the small blessings that appear in spite of everything.

• Too much spending. In much of Western society commercial interests promote holiday happiness in terms of extravagant spending, giving and receiving.

Things have never produced extended happiness and they never will. Short-term overspending leads to long-term debt, a huge stressor in itself. Make a thoughtful and reasonable list of items you wish to buy and stick to it. Set an example for your children by not being caught up in the gluttony that Christmas spending has become. Gifts of love and time mean more than a bounty of purchases. For example, craft a homemade gift certificate promising a meal for a working mom or transportation for someone who cannot drive.

• Overdoing it. Taking care of oneself tends to take a back seat to the chores of the holidays.

Before you become overwhelmed, think about the activities and traditions that have the most positive impact and skip the rest. Even if you are expected to overdo it by yourself or others who benefit from your excesses, give yourself permission to be unfrazzled.

• Too much togetherness. Extended family gatherings can be both anticipated and dreaded. Many families assign "roles" to members that have more to do with who they were in the past than who they are today. Example: Sister Susie was accident-prone as a child, so she will forever be the "klutz." Family members focus on her ineptness, making her even clumsier. Unsettled disagreements and old wounds can re-emerge.

Find a healthy balance of time together and time alone. Set differences aside and clear the slate. Try to view family members as they are now without the tinted glasses of the past.

• Not enough togetherness. For those without benefit of family or social supports, the holiday season can be especially lonely.

Volunteering for the Salvation Army, a Secret Santa program or other Christmas charity can transcend feelings of loneliness and validate the gifts and talents you have to offer. Aloneness does not always have to mean loneliness. If you know someone who is alone, a brief visit, card or phone call can make a big difference.

• Amplification of pre-existing difficulties. Many people face the holidays without those whom they love most. Whether death, divorce, geographical distance or service deployment separates loved ones, their absence can be felt more acutely than ever.

If you are separated from a loved one, let yourself grieve the loss of their presence. Journal your thoughts and feelings or ask someone you trust to hear you out; anyone who loves you would not want you to deny your sadness and pretend to be okay when you are not. If old traditions serve to magnify your loss, try something new.

Anticipating triggers of stress, prioritizing holiday activities and setting physical and financial boundaries are essential to holiday enjoyment. We at the Washington County Mental Health and Addiction Recovery Board extend our wishes for a mentally and physically healthy holiday season.